Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Call to write :Love or Rebound?

Getting married is once in a lifetime decision for many people. When people wish to get married, invariably all of them expect a full life together.
Some ask me, why did I get married at the age of 23? Love? Lust? Rebound?
To answer that Q, let me tell you that, I am so lucky, I am married to the guy that I love most..and there are few other reasons why I chose him, vice versa. As a muslims, I'm sure many of us aware " Panduan Memilih Pasangan dlm Islam".

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda, “Seorang wanita itu dinikahi kerana empat; kerana hartanya, kerana keturunannya, kerana kecantikkannya dan kerana agamanya. Maka hendaklah kamu mengutamakan yang beragama, nescaya kamu berbahagia

We are not in a western countries, marrying somebody for tax purposes.( ive read this somewhere) maybe it is a wise financial choice in terms of tax breaks( for that person).

Kami tak pernah plan to get married that early.Jodoh dah sampai ..jodoh, ajal maut ditangan tuhan ..sgt 'cliche' kan?.I am so lucky, my husband somebody yang pk about future. Married at 23( husband 24), 2yrs honeymoon year and then bla bla bla...

The Qur'an says: "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187) So a husband and wife complete each other .

I'm quite envy towards my friend, who already ada 4 anak( triplets+extra sorang) at the age of 26! Imagine when the anak2 masuk Uni, she's only 40's or maybe 50's, and masih ada kudrat nak jalan-jalan honeymoon dengan husband! And , maybe some of us still struggling besarkan anak-anak maybe at primary/secondary school at that age.Look at the bright side! Lucky her sbb dapat Mr.Right. Some r not that lucky, bertahun tunggu jodoh,tak sampai2 jugak. BUT kena igt, jodoh tak sampai depan mata, usaha+tawakal :)

Back to my story, Ive talked to my husband's friend a few mths ago.Let me address her as Mr.X. He told me that ,he met few gals that end a long term relationship and jump into a brand new relationship.Some people find that the quickest way to stem the tide of emotion is to jump into another relationship and it is called rebound.

This is the scenario :
Mr.X : Let say apeng/aman taknak kawin time tu, pastu ada org ajak u kahwin,u nak tak?Org tu dah stable, semua ada.
Me : I nak kahwin dgn dia!
Mr. X : Tp apeng/aman taknak kawin time tu. dah ada org ajak u kahwin ni.Dia bagi u semua benda. Org tu syg u tau. Bukan ke perempuan selalu kata " marry someone who love you most, bukan you love most"
Me : I shall wait.
Mr X : nak jadi andartu kah?

* then takkan nak main kahwin je ....semata-mata sbb taknak dilabel kahwin lambat, or semata-mata taknak org kata" ehh umur dah makin bnyk, tak kahwin2"..kann?? BUT AGAIN as i said earlier, I am so lucky because he wanted to marry me!

The qur'an also says "And of everything we created a pair, that happily you may remember." (Qur'an 51:49)

What will you do if you are in this situation ? Ive met few ppls yang kahwin dengan org yang mereka tak suka or not in love-(rebound) but ended up, the marriage turn well! In fact sgt bahagia! BUT ada jugak, seumur hidup mengungkit! Ada saja tak kena.

Sometimes, having an immediate relationship takes your mind off your ex, correct?Instead of reminiscing about the past and wallowing in what might have been, you are actually out there enjoying life.You no longer feel bored and lonely. Your self-esteem is soaring high.
You feel desirable and confident again. Somebody likes you! And being liked always feels great.
I dunno how to describe this. But ada jugak org yg kes nya sebegini:
Me : mm..kenapa kahwin dgn dia.kata tak suka..?
Y : sbb..org yg I nak taknak kahwin. Takkan nk tunggu sampai tua kot. So, sementara org dah nak..go ahead jela.Plus dia baik.
* maybe sbb jodoh takda and they can't get married.
Well,it's not wrong tho.
Good things about this, sometimes,you are happier than ..anyone else who basically "kahwin sbb cinta".New love -life,new environment.

BUT, getting married as a way to get even with someone ,only hurts the ones who love you and yourself.
AND, love alone is not a good reason to get married. Marriages succeed when there is a strong foundation of companionship built by the couple. A strong foundation for marriage includes compatibility, trust, and communication.Tak kesahla org tu rebound ke..love at the first sight ke...ONe thing I believe, cinta berteraskan agama itu adalah penting :-), pray Allah to make it a blessed marriage.

Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness, and since God is One, "the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger the power of love is within it."

And somebody asked me, what IF..he is the right guy..love me and bla bla..BUT at last 'putus di tengah jalan"

My answer for this : We never know what happen next, what can we do, try our best to substain the r/ships and give our best. Berdoa bnyk2, semoga Allah sentiasa tolong.

At least IF ape2 jadi, kita dah usaha+tawakal, btul tak?IF tak lih jugak..ada hikmah la tu.(paham-paham jela)

p.s: Anita, I teringat Lagu 'Cinta" time summer camp :p


sum1 who's been there said...

love is so subjective..my interpretation is right 4 me but might b wrong 2 u...so, let love flow...

cdalan said...

gud one lah!
i'd rather wait. but need to be patient la kan..dugaann..

shoe-addict-mom said...

sometimes, it's good to wait. sometimes, it's also good to take the risk. love can bloom from all sorts of situations.. mr. right, rebound, or watever u wanna call it. tapi fadd, kalau dah jodoh, tak ke mana kan?

NadiahKhair said...

i wudnt want to be married if i were forced and i dont mind being an andartu than marrying someone for the sake of being married.
but thank god i found someone who loves me. with that i dont even mind foresaking my zaman remaja just to be with him. :D

jetsetter said...

cdalan- :-)
shoe addict- yups true :-)I have to agree with you!
nadiah- Yups me too,my zaman remaja dah kahwin.Tp takpela kan.

liana said...

Yes you are so lucky because he wanted to marry you early! Aku?..hmm..i shall wait, sanggup!

The Mrs-Bride said...

babe, u got married when we both dah lost contact.. so i missed ur wedding! huhuhu.. anyhow, glad we found each other again here.. hehe! sooo glad that we got married to the man we love most! i'm glad, and you are too.. :)

p.s. lagu "cinta" mana nih?? lupa larr plak.. anyhow, the thing yg i nak tunjuk u tu... i lupa larr.. nnt i show u okeh! hihihi.. klakar! :P :P


jetsetter said...

liana- babe, takpe aku akan sentiasa temankan ko!..:-)

anita- ala yg lagu Cinta Kpd Alla..Cinta Rasul..Cinta Ibu Bapa..ha..pastu ape erk?